The Excellent Wife, chapter fourteen

I was halfway through this chapter when I finally realized what I was "missing" in this book. While I agree with nearly all of the material and appreciate the truth on each page, I came to realize that I find myself muddling through it because the content is so impersonal. There is NO humor. Neither are there many practical or personal examples.

I was on page 166 reading "suppose a wife spends the whole day cleaning her house and cooking a special dinner for her husband, only to have him come home from work in a bad, critical mood. Instead of showing his appreciation for his wife's efforts, what if he angrily blasts her because she forgot to dust the mantle or burned the beans? In response to such unkind, insensitive, thoughtless behavior, she might briefly entertain murderous thoughts." I stopped and smiled and thought, OK I can relate to this!

It was one of the few illustrations used so far, but this is LIFE. I love the principles Peace uses and love even more the scriptures she laces throughout to back everything up, but I realized that the impersonal flavor of the book is what I struggle with. Obviously this is only my personality and opinion, but thought I would share my realization with others who are reading the book.

This chapter walked us through eight resources wives can implement in order to protect themselves. These are God's provision for us:
1. Communicate Biblically

• "No skill will help a wife more in conflict with her husband than the ability to communicate biblically."

2. Overcome Evil With Good
3. Make A Biblical Appeal
4. Give A Biblical Reproof
5. Respond Biblically To Foolish Demands

• "If [the wife] has done wrong, she should first acknowledge her wrong."
• "Through presumption comes nothing, but strife." I once read that when you ASSUME it makes an A** of U + ME. (excuse my language...but I think it's a true statement.)

6. Seek Godly Counsel
7. Church Discipline
8. Involve the Governing Authorities

A lot of the previous chapters were focused on the wife's behavior. This one focused more of how a wife can biblically RESPOND to a husband's behavior, particularly a husband's sin. It started with communicating gently in conflict and worked all the way up to going to the authorities in the case of abuse and everything in between.

The common 'theme' I walked away with was when a wife is responding to her husband, she needs to be sure of her motives. She cannot reprove her husband with the intent of making things easier for herself. She cannot speak about her husband's sin to church leaders for the simple purpose of gossiping or exposing his sin. Appeals should not be made to be manipulative or to get her own way. Her motive needs to always be obedience to God and restoration of the relationship. "The more she submits to God and her husband in a biblical way, the more likely her husband is to repent and turn to God."

Trevor's New Words

This is by request from his little cousin, Alaina. My favorite new word he has down is "guys". He uses it to get our attention...guys. Guys. GUYS!

Party at the Lake

We went to the Lake to celebrate our friend, Victoria's 5th birthday. She had a 'beach party'. Here's some of our fun:

Trevor warms up on the hammock after swimming.

Pony Camp

Madison has really been interested in horses for a couple of years now. Last year she got one lesson from a friend. She also got a pony ride at the church picnic. Well this year she got to do a week of Pony Camp for homeschoolers. It ran Monday through Friday 9-2. As a bonus, she spent 3 nights at Auntie Lisa's who lives 7 minutes from the horse farm.

At camp she learned to tack the pony and how to ride, steer, stop, and even trot. She loved it, but admits that the time shoveling poop was not her favorite. This is her on Apples:

The Excellent Wife, chapter thirteen

I was just a little surprised to crack the book and find yet another chapter on submission. This week the title was "Biblical Submission." A bit confusing, because last week was definitely 'Biblical' as well. I thought to myself, "I thought we covered this." But I'm well aware that this is a difficult subject. Women today have a false view of submission like a "'doormat' or 'I'm suffering for the Lord' view."

The subtitle to the chapter was 'Basis of the Wife's Protection.' Now what wife wouldn't want to be protected. And I'm really learning that this is the purpose of submission. Very simply, like Peace's first principle, it is for the purpose of "order and harmony in the home." I think the the common misconception is that it means women are not equal or we're somehow inferior, but that is NOT the case. It's for order, just as there are ranks in the military. A lieutenant and captain have different ranks for order, but it does not mean one is somehow less valuable.

Peace gave several examples and was clear about the wife's need to submit unless her husband's request caused her to sin. She also gave some examples of ways in which some wives are commonly NOT submissive to their husbands. A few that jumped out at me were:

• #4 She argues or pouts or gives him the cold shoulder when she does not get her own way. (Prov. 21:9)
• #5 She does not stay within the limits of their budget. (Prov. 19:14)
• #6 She corrects, interrupts, talks for her husband, and is too outspoken when others are around. (Prov. 27:15,16)
• #8 She makes important decisions without consulting him. (1 Cor. 11:3)
• #10 She worries about the decisions he makes and takes matters into her own hands. (Phil. 4:7,8)

I know I'm guilty of some of these from time to time. Peace's suggestion is to confess your sins, ask for forgiveness, be humble and "begin to be a gentle, godly, submissive wife." Practically, she even points us to find older women who can train and counsel the younger women.

Double Trouble

Lisa and I swapped kids. She got the older 4 and I got the 2 babies. This afternoon I was on the phone. I looked down to see Trevor had a bloody nose! I quickly got off the phone and ran after him into the dining room where I saw that Amanda also had a bloody nose. Hmmm?

Oh, I see. There is no blood, just red marker all over my floors, a school book and two babies. Amanda had actually put the marker down her shirt. Thankfully, it was washable and cleaned up easily. Funny thing...this particular marker was actually scented raspberry, which I guess explains the 'bloody noses'.

Father's Day

2008 was a low-key Father's Day. The weather didn't cooperate for Plan A, so we went with Plan B. We spent the morning at church for several responsibilities. Then back at home I made a big Sunday dinner...grilled steak, tortellini alfredo, salad... After dinner, we did our traditional treasure hunt for gifts. Then Colombo wanted to watch the 'Case For Christ' documentary. I think it was good. I stole a cat-nap on the couch for most of it. Daddy got a cat-nap too while I played cards with the kids.

Later on, we headed out to Dairy Queen and then over to his Dad and Mom's for a movie night and watched "National Treasure: Book of Secrets." Both the National Treasure movies are action-packed, entertaining, and family-friendly.

I'm so blessed to have an amazing husband AND an amazing father for our children. One of the things I admire most about his parenting is how he is always striving to be better. He's loving and consistent. He leads by example. I know God gave me that man. I'm so blessed!

Madison's Spring Showcase

Madison just completed her 4th year of dance at Northstar. She was amazing in her recital. She was in a tap number (Stars & Stripes) and a jazz number (Hannah Montana). She also was the 'leader' for a younger tap group...a very special privilege...and was part of the finale.

She's way into it!!! I, on the other hand, am apparently NOT cut out for show biz. These are a tad stressful for the poor moms who have to keep track of numerous costumes, different shoes, quick changes, etc. Last year I forgot her wings for ballet. Well this year at dress rehearsal I dressed her for the wrong dance and she was not ready when they called her to lead her little tappers. Oh well, it's only dress rehearsal. But then at the real deal, I was getting her dressed and pulled up her tights only to find a big run up the back.

I start to sweat...what to do? I call my mother-in-law. She stops at CVS..no white tights. Well, I came prepared with needle and thread, so I sew the 8 inch rip together in MacGyver fashion. In the meantime, Karen calls Nick and he is able to run into Target, bring tights and only be 5 minutes late...hero for the day. I run backstage, pull Maddy aside and change out her tights.

Madison would like to thank all her loyal fans. We are so blessed to be surrounded by family who is super supportive.

And because one recital just isn't enough, we hopped in the car and went straight to Avery's. She was just the sweetest little thing doing her 'Yankee Doodle.'

Sturbridge With Friends

Well I managed to check another summer goal off my list. We made it back to Sturbridge Village...officially making my membership worth it. An old friend and her kids joined us for a gorgeous day seeing how "back then" people lived. That's what Nathanael and Madison call them...'back then' people. We had so much fun!!! Rae's daughter, Kenners, and Madison made fast friends.












The kids all got along great and hopefully they learned a little something as well.

This looks like trouble!

Rae's oldest daughter, Rand.

The Excellent Wife, chapter twelve

Ahhh...submission. Definitely NOT a popular subject these days. It's not just that wives don't want to be submissive to their husbands, it's that nobody wants to be submissive to anyone.

Martha Peace points out that submission should not be contingent on her husband's behavior, but rather a wife should be submissive simply, in obedience to God. She further explains that submission is commonly misunderstood as being a burden and women today can even be hostile toward the idea of it.

I like my husband to be the head of our house. It gives me a sense of security. His authority was put in place for my protection. It doesn't mean I'm his doormat or my thoughts and feelings and choices are null and void. It's more like God knew I would be an emotional, hormonal chick and Colombo would be my constant. His vantage point is different than mine. It's all part of God's perfect plan.

On page 132 she says "God's commands become a joy to you when you resolve to humbly submit to Him in advance of the actual opportunity." This reminded me of a Joyce Meyer teaching about thoughts. Joyce explained similarly how we need to think about how we'll react in the face of temptation before it arises. Think about how you'll get up and walk away when a group of women begins to gossip. If you've already planned your behavior beforehand, then the emotions of the situation won't stand in the way of you doing right. I think Peace's statement is similar. If you've already resolved the issue of submission in your heart and mind, then it won't be a constant struggle.

Peace writes there is joy that comes from obeying God's Word and living a Spirit-filled life. It's not always fun, but there is joy when we choose to honor God. We can't say "OK, God, I'll obey you with my tithe, but not in submission." Or "Well, God, I'll obey and not cheat, but I'm still not going to forgive that person who hurt me." Can you imagine if your kids just picked and chose which instructions they wanted to obey?

If the world is rejecting submission, then it probably is God-honoring. God placed order into the world, and a wife's submission is a piece of that order.

We have a swimmer!

Jonathan and Andrea kindly invited us to their complex pool today. We were happy for the opportunity since it was 98 degrees...so hot, in fact that schools were dismissed early. We always have such a great time hanging out with them.

Nathanael is always Mr. Cautious. He's not a trouble maker or climber or dare-devil. He's been very easy to watch at the park or pool because I know he just always has fun from the edge. (Unlike a certain other little guy I know, ahem.) Well today was our first swim of the year. For the first 1/2 hour or so, Nathanael did just play from the edge, but then he asked me to buckle his life jacket for him. He let me take him in and let him try to swim back to the stairs. Well that was it. Now there's no stopping him. He swims, turns around, bobs, steers. I was so proud of him.

Girly-Girl Stuff

I'm SO HAPPY that in my mix of boys,

...that God gave me a girl. She is just the best! We've been trying some new hairdo's thanks to this blog, Hair Today. Anyone who has girls should check it out. This was our first try:

Then I created one on my own for her dance pictures. I'm so glad she's as into it as I am!

Trevor's Growing Vocabulary

It's amazing to watch as Trevor seems to add to his repertoire daily. He'll try anything if he's in the mood. Nathanael even got him to say Hallelujah...sort of.

The Excellent Wife, chapter eleven

The issue of intimacy...

There was so much in this chapter that I wished I had read BEFORE getting married. I was not prepared at all. I don't recall having a single conversation about sex with either of my parents. Whatever public school offered is what I had to go on. Yikes!

We naively thought that it would all come naturally to us and be total bliss. You know, like the movies. Not so much. After many arguments and much frustration, we, as a couple, began to educate ourselves with books, pray together for God's help, and grow closer together through the journey.

In this chapter, Martha Peace does an excellent job of laying out 6 Biblical principles about sex. As for us women, we have a charge to satisfy our husbands. A healthy sex life in marriage protects both partners from the danger of temptation. That is a good incentive. The information in this chapter should be read by every wife. She is right on.

I laughed when I read, "Men and women both have sexual desires. However, since the man's desires tend to be stronger..." -no kidding!!! I don't think I'll ever get why God created us so differently, like vastly different, but I did see a visual that kind of illustrated this difference for me:

--------

Men

Love

SEX

-----------

Women

LOVE

Sex

--------

She gave several practical tips like to plan ahead to make it happen. And for us to initiate it sometimes. I'm guilty of desiring to be romanced and swept off my feet, but I need to be the one to initiate it sometimes. It shouldn't be given with strings attached and should be regular.

A very helpful book that I read was "Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex". This dealt with so many specific topics and I'd recommend it for anyone struggling in this area.

I heard a quote once, "There is nothing sexier than a woman who can satisfy one man for a lifetime and there is nothing sexier than a man who can be satisfied by one woman for a lifetime." Truthfully I am so thankful that I have a husband who desires me. Sometimes it's inconvenient, maybe even a little annoying at times, but I wouldn't want the opposite. He still digs me and that's pretty cool!

A little Nathanael humor:

Nathanael is our walking party. He makes us laugh everyday, but most of the time not on purpose. That is just who he is. He's always in a good mood, always wearing a smile (usually with food around his mouth), and always ready for the next thing.

A couple of recent laughs:

Nathanael: Is wedgie a compound word?

Me (after laughter and wonderment of this question from a 4-year-old subside): No, why?

Nathanael: Well, you know. It's Wedge-- Gie?

Me: No, it's not a compound word because Gie is not a word by itself.

Nathanael: Oh, ok. Is basketball a compound word?

Colombo was taking Nathanael to the driving range one afternoon. They had all their gear ready to go. As they walked off the porch I waved and said, "Have a ball!" To which Nathanael turned back and said, "No, Mom, we don't need balls. They have balls there."

One more. Over lunch one day I was doing my Mom thing of telling the kids they shouldn't be so picky about food. God provides it, starving children in Peru, blah, blah, blah in their ears. Anyway, we started discussing everyone's likes, dislikes and favorites. So around the table we go to Nathanael who stated simply with his pointer finger up like he had something very important to say, "Well I'm the pickiest because I pick my nose."

The 60 Foot Slip N Slide

A roll of plastic from Lowe's: $25

A hose: $25

A pair of Nemo underwear: $2

Sliding down Pop's hill in your underwear at 30 mph while other kids your age are at school: PRICELESS.